What Networking isn’t
To a lot of people networking is a dirty word. I know, I used to be one of those people. Too many people think networking means going to an event where they don’t know anyone; collect a bunch of business cards while handing out theirs in return and make small talk while the card is exchanged. At the end of the night, you have 25 business cards without remembrance of a single conversation. Nor can you picture a face for any of the 25 cards. I did exactly that when I first started out many years ago. What did I accomplish during those nights of networking? Absolutely nothing.
This misguided method of ‘networking’ is used by millions of people and it is ineffective and, to put it bluntly, hated.
What Networking Is
Networking is forgetting about yourself and seeing how you can help others. Networking is not a task on your To-Do list or some 5-step program you follow to get to a certain result. The help you provide others could be using your own expertise or reaching out to one of your contacts and requesting their help for the person. This new definition of networking will require a paradigm shift on your part. It means looking first to help others without any expectations of personal gains.
From experience, I can almost guarantee that you will find this way of networking a much more pleasant and rewarding experience.
Adam Grant, Wharton’s highest-rated professor and a writer whom Malcolm Gladwell describes as “one of my academic heroes,” describes in his book Give and Take, about three types of individuals. While this is applicable to the work environment it is applicable to networking as well.
Matchers operate on the principle of fairness: when they help
others, they protect themselves by seeking reciprocity. If you’re a matcher, you believe in tit for tat, and your relationships are governed by even exchanges of favors. Matchers at a networking event or industry forum/dinner will look to exchange information and are willing to help the other person as long as they can get help now. In other words, I’ll help you if you help me. If that is not readily apparent at the start of the conversation, the Matcher will move on.
Takers have a distinctive signature: they like to get more than they give. They tilt reciprocity in their own favor, putting their own interests ahead of others’ needs. Takers believe that the world is a competitive, dog-eat-dog place. So at a networking function, they are all about how to make contacts with those who can help them and help them now. They will survey the landscape at the meeting and head to the most prominent people and talk with them all night.
Givers are a relatively rare breed. They tilt reciprocity in the other direction, preferring to give more than they get. My opinion is you should strive to be a Giver. Help those that need help without thought of your own needs. I have found this to yield the best results. When you help others without expectations of getting anything in return, you build a reputation of being a selfless giver. In return, when you need help, most of your networking contacts with whom you had helped, will not hesitate to help you in return.
Be a Giver.
Who Do You Want to Meet?
Keep in mind the purpose for you in networking is to expand your circle of contacts for your business. Although you are not looking to see who can help you or to be “Taker”, the types of contacts you make should not be random at these events. An important question to ask before each event is “Who do I need to meet and why?”.
The event you attend could have anywhere between 25 to 250 people, depending on the event. That is a lot of people to talk to and there is no way you can talk to them all in one night, nor should you try.
As you’re developing your business there will be a lot of people that have expertise and contacts that would be very useful to you. This can be someone in a particular industry or particular expertise. If possible, find a members list of who regularly attends. Again your goal should not be how you can be helped but rather how you can help them.
Your business and personal goals will help determine who you should meet. For example, if you are looking to publish a book, talk to a writer and publisher at the event. If you are looking to sell products on Amazon, meet up with Amazon sellers, and so on.
By first determining who you want to meet and why, you will be able to tell at the end of the night if your objective was achieved. But how to you start talking to someone at an event? Entering a room of 200 people can be a daunting.
The Approach
Show up early. I found that by getting to an event early I’m able to start out interacting with a smaller group of people and give myself some time to become comfortable. I use the 3 second rule. I see someone that I want to talk to and I have 3 seconds to go to them and start the interaction.
Here are some tips on conversation.
- Smile at the person before you start the conversation.
- Take an interest in the conversation with the other person; really listen to them.
- Ask them to describe their business. If you don’t understand areas of their business, ask them to clarify. People don’t mind explaining their business, they actually enjoy telling others about it. By understanding their business, you better understand how to help them.
- Ask about their most recent business success. If they have had a recent business success, they will relish the telling of what happened. But if they pause, look down at the ground and say, “My business is not doing very well. I’m here networking, looking to drum up business.” Then they will look up to you with hopeful eyes, hoping you will buy. While it is unlikely you need what they have to offer; don’t shy away from helping them.
- Ask them what challenges they are facing in their business. Your goal is to get a good understanding what is the main cause of their business not doing well.
- Summarize the obstacle(s) they face to make sure you understand the problem. If you know how to help them, say so. Be specific in what you will do for them. But don’t feel you have to commit to do something you don’t want to do. It is far better to be straight with them, even if it means telling them you can’t help. Just by actively listening to them is more than what 90% of the people at networking events would do. And even if you can’t help them now, there may be an opportunity later.
- You should ask them who or what type of person they are looking to meet at the event. You will be surprised as to the number of people who have not thought out who they need to meet. They are leaving it up to chance. Based on what they have told you about their business, you may know someone they should meet.
- If that person is at the event, go over to them and introduce them to each other. After a minute or two, extract yourself from the conversation.
- Before you go to talk to someone else, write down on the business card key information about the previous person and their business. You have now made a connection and they will remember you and how you helped them.
- Go to the next person and repeat the process.
You’ll leave the event with 2-3 business cards and budding relationships. Follow up on any actions within 48 hours and provide the contact with any information you promised.
How to Find Networking Opportunities
Now that you know what Networking is and what to do at events, it is time to get started. First step is to determine what groups fit with your business and personal interests.
Today with social media it is pretty easy. Most people are on LinkedIn. LinkedIn has groups of all types. These groups not only have forums but often have meetings/get togethers. These are good opportunities to network.
There are also local industry meetings. Find the ones that make sense for you to participate. Before you decide to go to a meeting, evaluate their website. Is their website up-to-date? I had searched for a local industry group, only to find that their website hadn’t been updated in 6 months. That group was crossed off the list. There should be ongoing meetings and activities outside the meetings. Remember this is a group that you may invest your time in. Make sure that time is well invested.
Go to a meeting or two to evaluate if they are worth your while, using the strategy outlined above. If the meetings are worthwhile, then continue to go. If the group does not seems to be very active, then stop going.
Once you have attended for a while, make a decision as to whether this group is worth investing more time. Investing more time means volunteering to help in some way. This could be as simple as doing registration at each meeting. This is an excellent way to get to know existing members. Take the time to chat for a moment at registration. Identify who you would like to talk with further during and after the meeting and do so. The next meeting do the same with two additional people.
Volunteer to help the membership committee and in time head it up. New members will remember their first contact from the group (which is you).
Make Networking a part of your life.
To conclude, listed below is a quick summary of the Actions you will need to take to get there.
Actions:
- Determine who you need to know and why you need to know them.
- Bonus points – put together a list of 5 people that you really want to meet (executives, political leaders, etc.) and start with LinkedIn and see who they are connected to. They may be closer than you think.
- Examine different groups (local industry meeting, social media) and make your list.
- Find the next meeting and attend.
- Find 2 people to chat with at the meeting, using the above approach.
- Make a decision if you will attend again. Write out why.
- If attending again determine at what point you will decide to volunteer.
- If you decide not to attend again, go to the next group on your list.
As you get to know the members of a group, you will find opportunities to work together, find mentors and mastermind group members. Always be open to opportunities to deepen your relationships. Relationships are what networking is all about.