We have all experienced a lack of self-confidence at some point in our lives.  It could be in a certain situation (public speaking); it could be taking a job in a new field.  It could be a familiar job but in a different culture (English is not the primary language).  The question is not “will I ever experience a lack of self-confidence”, but rather “how do I gain self-confidence”.  Below we’ll talk through how to gain self-confidence.

 

Look back to what you have achieved in the past.

If you are running your own business, you’re an achievement person.  You could be an extrovert or an introvert, but regardless of your personality type, you are someone that depends on yourself to get things done.  You’ve done this in school; in corporate, and now in your own business.  But if your experience is in the corporate world, running your own business can be down-right frightening.

Lolly Daskal, an adviser to Fortune 500 CEOs, was being interviewed on Andy Molinsky’s Reach Interview Series and she said often the CEOs have admitted to her they have experienced the “Impostor syndrome”. They don’t believe they belong in the CEO position.  So, what do you do, when the fear hits, especially when your work is something brand new?

Examine your history of success.  All of us has tried new things and have had overcome obstacles.  Looking back can help us in a couple of ways.

1. Allows taking pride in what you have accomplished. Ability to feel good about what you’ve done.  It may be personal achievement like finishing a triathlon or a corporate achievement, such as closing a deal that you didn’t believe you had a chance of winning.  Take a moment and feel the emotion, the rush of adrenaline, as you crossed the finish line or received a check for $1 million in new business.
2. Understand the achievement wasn’t by luck. It took preparation and hard work.  What was the type of planning and preparation needed?  What actions did you take?  Which actions are applicable to your entrepreneurial business?  You succeeded before, you can do it again. So, have confidence in your ability to succeed in this new endeavor.

 

Start with something easy in the New Area

Don’t punish yourself by tackling the hard part of something new; start with something easy that you can accomplish.  Whenever I’m working with an organization and dramatic change needs to take place, I map out what needs to be accomplished and changes that will need to be made.  I sequence the changes so that ones that can be easily adopted are first on the schedule.  Thereby, early easy wins.  As the small wins are achieved, I schedule a little celebration for the team.  The team’s confidence increases, and they are gung-ho for trying something more difficult.

In the same way, try something simple, feel the good feelings that comes with the accomplishment, celebrate it and leverage those positive emotions to tackle something more difficult.

 

Determine something you want to be an expert in and gain the skill

Anything worth achieving takes hard work.  Be specific on the expertise you need.  I saw a quote that I like; “you can do anything, but you can’t do everything.”  This is especially true in your business.

Unlike the corporate world where you can leverage functional areas such as finance, accounts payable and sales, in a small company or especially if you are a solopreneur, then all tasks are yours to complete.  You can’t be an expert in everything and you don’t need to be.  Put your time and effort into an area where you can really provide value.  Value that is quantitative.  This means value that someone will pay for and pay a lot.  John Maxwell, a leadership expert, says he is good at leadership and developing others.  But he is not good at the mechanics of his business, so he leaves that to others.

Having a talent in an area and focusing on it will create self-confidence the fastest.  Focus on it.

 

Don’t wallow in a defeat.  It will grow stronger and you can’t build on it

It hurts when we make a wrong decision.  It hurts a lot when we lose money.  Spending money on an advertising campaign that doesn’t provide new business is painful.  Making a bad hiring decision is extremely painful.  It hurts when this happens, but we can’t beat ourselves up about it.  If we allow ourselves to wallow in that defeat, two things will happen.

1. The defeat will grow stronger in our minds the more time we dwell on it. As we rehash it in our minds; as we discuss it with others; we become preoccupied with it, blocking out other areas we need to think about.
2. The bigger it grows in our minds, the more fearful we become of making another bad choice. And that makes us gun shy in taking future actions.

 

Learn from it and move on.

There is always a lesson that we can learn from in every bad decision.

• If mistakes were made along the way, what lessons did you learn from those mistakes? What obstacles did you face and how did you overcome them?
• Did I use the right process to make the decision? Did I gather sufficient information and was it the right information?
• Was I in the right mindset when I made the decision (e.g. was I stressed or tired)?
• Was it simply a case of “I needed to make a decision and under the circumstances it was the best decision I could have made”?

 

Understand everyone has confidence in one area and not in Another

I like what Simon Sinek said during an interview with Andy Molinsky where they were discussing how to handle a situation when you don’t know something and you’re a bit embarrassed to admit it. I’ll paraphrase here, “you know I’m really good in this area but not in this area, I need help.”  No one is an expert at everything.  There will be areas we are not confident in.  The confident speaker on the stage has areas they are not confident.  They are just like us.  Take comfort in that realization.

 

Approach a new area as a student

As a student, you are not expected to be an expert (that’s why you’re a student!).  This mindset alone will reduce your stress and enable you to learn rapidly.

Often where we get into trouble is when is act like we know something, and we don’t.  We are concerned, dare I say, fearful, that we will be found out.  The key is to admit this lack of knowledge upfront.   Here are 3 scenarios and the likely response from others when we hide our ignorance.

 

We pretend to know, but really don’t

Most people will have a bad reaction to this. The reaction could take the form of gossip behind our back, “could you believe what she said in the meeting, she really doesn’t know what she is doing!”  And depending on how serious the situation is, aid in our downfall.  This is especially true if in order to disguise our lack of knowledge, we become overconfident and arrogant.  The longer we pretend to know, the harder it will be to admit our lack of expertise.  Our ego won’t let us.

 

We don’t know, and we admit such, but we go far beyond and demean ourselves in front of others

“I don’t know why I took this job, I really don’t know what I’m doing.  I’m really stupid.”  “I’m just no good at xx, I’ll never be able to get it.”  This is just as bad as pretending. If we look down on ourselves, others will to.

 

Admit upfront that we don’t know and ask for help

People have a sense of right and wrong.  They view it as wrong to be arrogant and pretend to know something but will help us when we admit we don’t know.  It is like rooting for the underdog.  In my travels I have found that to be true in other cultures as well as the US.

By being a student, you can ask the “dumb” questions and learn the answers.  By learning, you gain confidence.  As you gain confidence, you apply what you learn, you teach others with you know and by teaching, you deepen your own knowledge.  It is an upward spiral.

 

If you are in a situation where you lack self-confidence, take the following actions.

 

Actions:

1. Determine how wide the knowledge gap is. Talk to a close friend and get feedback from them.  Just listen to them, don’t try to justify any actions.  Keep your emotions out of the discussion.
2. If you don’t know, admit it. Determine who you need to tell this to.  If you have faked it for a while, be humble during the discussion and come away with actions on how to gain the expertise.  Be willing to admit you should have been upfront with your lack of knowledge.  Most people are willing to give a second chance.
3. If someone is providing help, decide on how you will put their advice into action. The fastest way to get more help is demonstrate the willingness to apply what you have already been told.
4. Celebrate your new self-confidence! You earned it.